I Moved to America. I Did Not Become a Marriage Agency.

 I moved to America. Somehow, people thought I also opened an international husband-finding service.

Once people find out you live in another country—especially the United States—some of them start looking at you differently.

Suddenly, you are not simply their friend or relative anymore.

You are an international connection.

A possible opportunity.

A walking immigration shortcut.

And before long, somebody asks:

“Do you know anyone there who can marry me?”

Excuse me?

Do I know anyone?

Yes. There are millions of people here.

Do I know someone willing to marry a stranger because you sent me a message?

What kind of social circle do you think I have?

I Am Not a Fucking Matchmaker

I am originally from the Philippines, and since moving to the United States, I have received this question from friends and relatives more than once.

They ask whether I know an American who might want to marry them so they can come here too.

Dude, I am not a dating app.

I am not a matchmaker.

I do not keep a folder labeled:

“Single Americans Willing to Sponsor Random People.”

I cannot walk up to somebody at work and say:

“Hello. You seem reasonably healthy. Would you like to marry my relative from the Philippines? You have never met, but she would really like to move here.”

That is not an introduction.

That is a suspicious business proposal.

You Cannot Just Ask Anybody to Do That

Marriage is a serious commitment.

It involves emotions, families, finances, responsibilities, legal paperwork, and possibly years of hearing someone chew too loudly.

You cannot treat it like ordering a delivery.

Some people act as though all I need to do is find a single person, show them a picture, and arrange the wedding.

Being unmarried does not mean somebody is available for an international immigration project.

Not every American is searching for a foreign spouse.

Not every person wants to marry.

And even people who are looking for a relationship usually want to meet someone, spend time together, develop trust, and determine whether they can tolerate each other before signing legal documents.

Very demanding, apparently.

“Just Introduce Me to Someone”

That sounds simple until you consider what the introduction actually means.

If I introduce two people and they genuinely like each other, wonderful.

But if the entire purpose is to get one person into the United States, that puts me in an uncomfortable position.

What am I supposed to tell the other person?

“She thinks you seem nice. Also, she has already mentally packed her suitcase.”

I do not want to be responsible for a relationship I manufactured because somebody wanted a faster route abroad.

If it becomes a disaster, guess who they will blame?

The matchmaker.

Suddenly, both people will be messaging me about arguments I did not participate in.

“She doesn’t understand me.”

“He is not what you said.”

“You introduced us!”

Exactly why I should not have done it.

I already have my own problems. I do not need international relationship customer service.

Living in America Is Not the Same as Winning the Lottery

Some people imagine that once you move to the United States, everything becomes easy.

You arrive.

Money starts falling from the sky.

A large house appears.

Your employer pays you for breathing.

Then you spend your free time finding American husbands for everyone you knew back home.

That is not how it works.

People here work, pay bills, deal with debt, worry about healthcare, complain about groceries, and stare at their bank accounts wondering where the money went.

The United States can provide opportunities, but those opportunities usually arrive disguised as work, paperwork, expenses, stress, and taxes.

Marriage does not automatically create a perfect life either.

Moving to another country means adjusting to a different culture, weather, language, workplace, system, and way of living. It can be lonely. It can be difficult. It can put enormous pressure on a relationship.

A wedding is not a magic portal into an easy life.

If You Want Love, Look for Love

If somebody genuinely wants to meet a partner from another country, there are dating apps and websites designed for that.

The people joining those services are at least openly looking to meet someone.

That makes more sense than asking me to recruit a random person from the grocery store.

Create a profile.

Be honest.

Talk to people.

Take time to know them.

Make sure you actually like the person—not merely the country listed beneath their name.

Because marrying someone you do not love just to reach the United States sounds like a very expensive way to become miserable in a different time zone.

If the only attractive quality you see is their passport, that is not romance.

That is geography.

But Be Careful With Dating Apps

Dating apps may help people meet, but they are also full of scammers.

Someone may claim they love you after three conversations.

They may promise to visit the Philippines.

They may send romantic messages every morning and call you their future spouse before learning your middle name.

Then suddenly, there is a problem.

Their bank account is frozen.

Their luggage is stuck at customs.

Their mother needs surgery.

Their plane ticket was canceled.

Their business shipment needs a small fee.

And somehow, the only person on Earth who can rescue them is you.

What an incredible coincidence.

If someone you have never met begins asking for money, stop.

Do not send money because they promised to visit.

Do not pay for a mysterious package.

Do not provide banking information.

Do not believe screenshots simply because they look official.

Romance scammers are patient. They may spend weeks or months building trust before asking for anything.

Love should not require repeated emergency transfers to a person who keeps failing to appear in real life.

“He Said He Was Coming”

Promises are easy online.

A person can say they booked a flight.

They can send an itinerary.

They can describe everything you will do together.

Then the date arrives, and there is always an emergency.

They missed the flight.

Their employer stopped them.

They were injured.

They were detained.

Their imaginary gold shipment developed a problem.

Whatever the excuse, they still need money.

If someone repeatedly promises to meet you but never shows up, pay attention to the pattern—not the newest explanation.

A real person may experience a legitimate problem once.

A scammer lives inside an endless television drama where every episode ends with your bank account.

Wanting a Better Life Is Understandable

I understand why people want to move to another country.

They may want better employment, higher pay, safety, adventure, or more opportunities for their family.

There is nothing wrong with wanting a different life.

But another human being should not be treated as a visa with feelings.

If you meet someone, fall in love, build a real relationship, and eventually marry, that is your story.

But asking a friend abroad to locate a spouse for you is not the same thing.

It puts pressure on the person you are asking. It also treats the potential spouse as though their main purpose is providing access to a country.

That is not fair to anyone.

Please Stop Giving Me This Assignment

I already have enough responsibilities.

I have work.

I have family.

I have bills.

I have my own relationship nonsense.

I do not have time to open Ruth Witty’s International Marriage Bureau.

Even if I know single people, I cannot promise they want to date my friends or relatives. I cannot guarantee attraction, compatibility, trust, or love.

I am not refusing because I do not want other people to succeed.

I am refusing because this is not a normal favor.

Asking me to recommend a restaurant is a favor.

Asking me to find somebody who will legally bind their life to yours and help you immigrate is an entire industry.

Facebook Is Not the Place to Recruit a Spouse Either

In my previous post, Facebook Is Not Your Personal Courtroom, I wrote about people using social media to turn private problems into public performances.

Social media can also become a strange international dating marketplace.

People add strangers because their profile says they live abroad. They send messages without knowing anything about the person. Some immediately ask whether they are single, how much money they make, or whether they can help them come to America.

That is not subtle.

It also makes genuine people look suspicious because scammers and opportunists have already destroyed everyone’s trust.

Social media can help people connect, but please use common sense.

A profile picture is not proof.

A foreign location is not a personality.

And an American address is not a marriage proposal.

The B.S. Truth

Moving to the United States did not turn me into a matchmaker.

I cannot find you a husband.

I cannot convince a stranger to marry you.

I cannot guarantee that a person you meet online is honest.

And I definitely cannot be held responsible when your international romance becomes a disaster with subtitles.

If you want to meet someone, join a reputable dating service and approach it as a search for a partner—not a passport.

Take your time.

Verify who you are talking to.

Do not send money.

Meet safely.

Pay attention when stories do not make sense.

Most importantly, remember that marriage is supposed to be about building a life with someone—not using someone as transportation to another country.

So please stop asking me whether I know somebody who can marry you.

I know people.

I simply do not know anybody applying for the position.

B.S. or Truth?

Have friends or relatives ever asked you to find them a husband or wife because you live abroad?

Do people assume moving to another country automatically makes life easy?

And have you ever encountered an online romance scammer with an emergency that somehow required your money?

Tell me in the comments—but please do not submit your matchmaking application.