My access to her Facebook posts was revoked. Somehow, I’ll rebuild my life. I recently discovered that someone I used to consider a friend had unfriended me on Facebook. Was I shocked? A little. Was I devastated? Please. My Wi-Fi stayed connected, my food still tasted the same, and Facebook did not send an ambulance. My first thought was, Wait—why did she unfriend me? My second thought was, Oh well. I didn’t really like her that much either. And honestly, that second thought saved me from conducting another unnecessary investigation. How We Became Friends I met her at work, which is where many temporary friendships are born. You see the same people every day. You complain about the same nonsense. You exchange looks during awkward meetings. Eventually, somebody says something funny, the other person laughs, and congratulations—you now have a work buddy. That was basically us. We joked around, teased each other, and had the kind of friendship where making fun of each other was part of th...
I stopped being her audience, so naturally I became her next topic. I had a friend who seemed to know everything about everyone. Who was fighting. Who was offended. Who had changed. Who had supposedly said something about somebody three Tuesdays ago. She had updates nobody requested, opinions nobody assigned, and enough unofficial reports to operate a small intelligence agency. At first, I’ll admit it: it was entertaining. Most gossip doesn’t enter the room wearing a name tag that says, Hello, I am toxic and will eventually ruin this friendship. It arrives as a funny story. A private update. A harmless little “Did you hear what happened?” You listen, you laugh, and you convince yourself that you’re simply staying informed. Except this wasn’t staying informed. This was a subscription service—and eventually, I wanted to cancel. When the Gossip Stopped Being Funny The problem wasn’t that she occasionally complained about someone. We all do that. Friends annoy us. People make ...